I've been thinking about death a lot lately - not to sound totally morbid. One cannot help but to do so once realizing she has been to a funeral every year for the past 4 years. Previously I had been to 1 in my entire life and after talking to my mom, I think I may have made up the memory of the first one. The 4 that I have been to since 2009 have been all very different but very much the same. Through each I think I've learned a little bit more about death and a lot more of the way I would want my own handled.
The first was my Gram's. The hardest for me. She fought hard and death was the only thing that could cease her suffering. Though that brought peace to many of us, she was still my Gram. The hardest thing was the viewing. I honestly expected her to sit up and start talking - I appreciate that she did not do so - but viewings are just plain creepy. I told my parents if anyone has a viewing of my body I will haunt them all ruthlessly. Consider yourselves all warned. The grave side service was hard - but at least I didn't have to sit expecting her to stand up. The pastor who spoke, a dear family friend, has a personal relationship with my Gram. She too was shaken by the fact that Gram had passed. It was comforting when her voice shook and she had to choke back tears. It meant my Gram meant something to her and had also touched her life.
The second was Ashley. A life taken far too early. The drunk driver that took her from us all still awaits trial - which is terrible in itself. Let's go justice system! Though there will be no true justice because Ashley is still gone. At her funeral I was surrounded by friends that might as well be family. We wept together and then celebrated Ashley's life together. She was a beautiful person and it was wonderful for us all to be together in her honor. If anything, we all found peace in the fact that we now had a beautiful angel to watch over each of us for the rest of our lives. I hope that years and years from now, when it is my time, someone finds solace in that fact when it comes to me. I think of Ashley often and still cannot believe she is gone.
The third was one of my best friends' father. His funeral was packed. It was clear that he had touched soo many people's lives. It was hard for my friend, and for her family, but I think that seeing all of the people that cared for Fred and for them made it easier. There were so many people packed into the funeral home that one girl actually fainted. Now that's devotion.
The last was for a man that had lived 103 years. His impact on a small community here in Maine had been huge and that was made evident through the amount of attention his passing received. But I don't really think his funeral reflected was a vibrant man he was. It was formal. There were jokes told, but only a few. I want my funeral to reflect my life. I mean I haven't really decided what my life will be but if I lived my life in the woods - hell I'd want my funeral in the woods. Maybe a bit strange but I think funerals are taken far too seriously. His family did an amazing job recounting the stories of the man's life however - his family was obviously very proud of who he had been.
I guess I don't have much of a point to this except that death is incredibly interesting. But even more interesting is how the people left behind decide to honor the deceased's life.
I think funerals should be a celebration of life. There will be no black at my funeral. When I was in high school I said I wanted a bounce house and an open bar. There will always be tears associated with death, but why not do our best to make those tears be brought on by happy memories not simply because of loss?
At my Gram's graveside service the pastor told a story about tadpoles. The tadpoles would watch other tadpoles rise to the surface and never return. They were all scared of this but knew it was inevitable. Little did they know, but they were becoming frogs and discovering a whole, new, beautiful, world. This was of course referencing humans and what happens when we die. I can't tell you if there is a heaven or a hell. But I can say that the idea of a whole world beyond our own that is beautiful and peaceful after death - well that's a pretty comforting way to look at things.
p.s. I totally butchered the tadpole story - she told it quite eloquently and I attempted to find it online to share but failed.
Until the next time <3
