For not the first time in my life, I feel like the rug has been ripped out from under me. I knew where I was in life, or I thought I was. Now I'm looking back at the past few days and wondering what the hell just happened. I don't know how I got to where I am and I am not sure how to get back yet.
I still feel strong though. I know who I am deep down. I have not lost the sense of self I found in Europe. And I am blessed for that.
But now what? What do I do after May 7th? What do I do with this diploma that will shortly be hanging on my wall? Well at least it'll become a cool wall decoration? Awesome.
College graduation didn't scare me when I had decided I was staying exactly where I already am. Grad school at UMaine - cool, whatever. Bangor - not totally exciting, but I can deal. But now it's like someone slapped me upside the head with a paddle. WHAT was I thinking? I love to travel. Bangor is NOT a city. I do not know if I could have been happy here and I do not know how I was so blinded.
The hardest part of this is the fact that my life has been thrown up in the air and I am once again here to pick up the pieces. What makes it easier than last time this happened? I know that I have amazing friends, an amazing family, and fabulous sisters to lean on. I have NEVER felt such support. I don't NEED it. I know I can be strong enough on my own, but it sure does feel amazing that I don't HAVE to do it all alone.
Facebook told me to today, "Your relationship with________ will be canceled upon saving" Well I guess it's canceled. I have hard feelings right now. I'm hurt and fairly lost. I have this numb sensation (how's that for an oxymoron?) all throughout my body.
But, whatever the next step is, I'll take it with my head high.
Until the next time.
<3
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