One Year Later

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of the day I finally took my life back into my own hands.  It was that day that I decided that enough was enough.  Was it easy? Hell no.  Would I go back and change it? Hell no.  I cannot believe it's been a year, but I'm so glad it has been.  One year.  One year since the mind games and manipulation.  One year since I was taught to hate myself.  I was told daily I was depressed, so I became depressed.  You can only hear things so many times before they become truth.  I was told I needed to lose weight.  So I hated the gym.  I hated food all over again.  But then one year ago tomorrow....I remembered that I am better than that.  Somehow he took away my strength.  He took away my faith in myself and my independence.  But March 14, 2011....it was finally coming to an end.

So what about now?  Now, I know I will never settle again.  It is all or nothing.  I will not look over the little things in hopes of tomorrow being better.  When all the tomorrows are bad there is something wrong.  Now, I know how strong I am.  I know I can stand on my own two feet even after being pushed to the ground emotionally day after day after day.  Now, I know how blessed I am.  I know that family really is always there no matter what - and that includes my extended family.  Now, thanks to that day a year ago I have another whole group of friends.  An awesome, fun, and fantastic group of friends that I couldn't have survived last year without.

This time last year I hated myself for letting someone change me the way he did.  But live and learn.  Live, suffer, learn, rejoice.  I truly believe that the dark days can always lead to a brighter tomorrow.  I believe that I can bounce back from anything because I have never had such dark days as I did in that year and a half I wasted on him.  My best friend once said the worst thing anyone could say to her was that she was a waste - and I agree it is an awful thing to be called or call someone.  He was and continues to be an absolute waste.

I am in no way where I hoped to be today.  Do I want to be living at home  with my parents as a college graduate? Of course not.  But I feel blessed that I had the door to walk through when I needed it.  I have 3 jobs.  I have started my own small business.  I just got a job doing something I truly believe I'll enjoy.  There is a lot to be said for that.  I have no idea what tomorrow will hold but because of that day one year ago I know that whatever it is I'll be okay.  Healing takes time.  I was never heartbroken. But I was broken and had to heal my own image of myself.  The self hatred and disappointment was worse than heartache.  I still know that I did all the right things - just for the very wrong person.

Here is to another year.  And here is especially to the year when I no longer remember that it's the anniversary of that day.  Here's to the day that his name and everything I went through doesn't cross my mind for a second. I cannot wait for that day.

Until the next time. <3