Heart Wrenching Pets on Death Row

One of the most frustrating things for me to accept is that I can't save all the animals that need to be saved.  I am following a couple pages on facebook that post cats/dogs/horses that need to be saved because someone gave them up or threw them out and they ended up in an over crowded shelter.  I should just unsubscribe because it just depresses me.  White cats tug at my heart strings.  We have 3 that we have saved...2 are mine - Jack Frost and Suri.  Tonight there is a 10 year old white male cat listed on one of these pages that needs to be saved. It is taking all my will power to not call and save him.  But we have 10 cats.  We have 6 dogs. We have done a lot to help animals that could have ended up in the same situation.  My mom and I calculated that she and my dad (with my sister and my help) have saved somewhere around 34 cats in the 30 years they've been together. We have definitely done our share.

But let's talk about the problems.  OVER BREEDING.  There are WAY too many animals in existence because people refuse to be responsible pet owners. Kittens and puppies are adorable.  But go adopt one that another irresponsible pet owner had to give up when they realized they couldn't care for or find homes for the 8 pups their female dog just popped out. When I was little I used to think but if everyone has their pets fixed...we'll run out of puppies and kitties.  This thought seriously depressed a 6 year old.  But...now almost 22...I realize that there will always be the people that refuse to fix their pets.  Thank god for the animal shelters than can afford to neuter the pets before they are adopted...

People have big hearts.  Too big sometimes.  And too idealistic.  People adopt pets and then can't afford them or realize they just don't know how to handle them.  And then those pets end up back in the shelter where they started...on the street...abused...malnourished...etc.  Unfortunately there is no way we could ever save all of these animals that are listed on the sites that I look at.  And if we tried to...they could never each receive the love and care they need and deserve.

People have no heart.  The white cat I saw tonight is 10 years old at least.  And the previous owner had him for 10-15 years...but is now getting rid of him because his wife is now suddenly allergic?  I see some holes in this story.  Either the wife is new...the allergy is new...or its an excuse.  I could never imagine giving up any of my pets and it just seems people do it without a second thought.  Thank God someone gave up a mother and her 8 kittens so I got Jack Frost.  And thank God someone made it so Suri was born in the wild and I ended up with him. Thank God that Rahjah ended up at Bangor Humane Society and not on the street so I could come along and find her.

If you want your heart to be wrenched out of your chest... just look at the albums here... https://www.facebook.com/media/albums/?id=155925874419253 And while you're at it...if you have the time...money...save one of those cats.  But only if you truly have the space in your life and your heart.  I will force myself to not subscribe to their page in an effort to not look back and find out the fate of that poor white kitty.

Call me a fanatic. Call me a crazy cat lady.  It's all fine.  Animals take up a huge part of my heart.

Thanks for reading my rant. :)

xoxo,

Jenn

Dinner Tonight

So I don't cook very often...let's be honest.  But I do enjoy doing so.  Tonight I decided to make something vegetarian and I must say it was pretty good.  And even though this is a recipe and not my usual blogging...I wanted to share it. :)

Here is the original recipe:

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
• 2 small heads fennel, finely chopped (about 3 cups)
• 1/2 medium yellow onion, finely chopped
• 2 medium carrots, peeled and finely chopped (about 2/3 cup)
• 12 ounces white button mushrooms, sliced (about 5 cups)
• 1 small russet potato, peeled and diced small (about 2 1/2 cups)
• 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 cup low-sodium mushroom broth
• 1 cup whole milk
• 1 cup frozen baby green peas
• 1/4 cup thinly sliced fresh chives
• 1/4 cup parsley
• 1 tablespoon white vinegar
• 1 large egg yolk
• 7 ounces store-bought puff pastry or pie dough, defrosted if frozen

Directions

Heat the oven to 400 degrees F and arrange a rack in the middle.

Melt butter over medium heat in a 3- to 4-quart Dutch oven or heavy bottomed saucepan. When it foams, add fennel, onions, and carrots, and cook until just soft and onions are translucent, about 2 minutes. Add mushrooms and potato, season well with salt and freshly ground black pepper, and stir to coat. Cook, stirring rarely, until mushrooms have let off water and are shrunken, about 6 minutes.

Sprinkle flour over vegetables, stir to coat, and cook until raw flavor is gone, about 1 to 2 minutes. Carefully add broth and milk, stirring constantly until mixture is smooth. Bring to a simmer over medium heat and cook until slightly thickened, about 5 minutes.

Remove from heat, add peas, herbs, and vinegar, and stir to coat. Season well with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Turn filling into an 8 by 8-inch baking dish.

Whisk egg together with 2 teaspoons water and a pinch of salt until evenly mixed. Set aside.

With kitchen shears, cut dough to fit over the baking dish. Place dough over filling and tuck into the edges of the dish. Brush dough with egg wash and cut slits in the top to vent. Place on a baking sheet and bake until crust is golden brown and mixture is bubbling, about 25 to 30 minutes. Let sit at least 5 minutes before serving. 

The edits that I made: 

3 tbsp butter because the pan I used needed it in order to really cover the veggies and not burn

The grocery store didn't have fennel so I used 2 leeks finely chopped instead

4 carrots instead of 2

just over 3/4 cups vegetable stock with just over 1/4 cup sauvignon blanc instead of the mushroom stock

I used 8 oz of mush instead of 12

added a cup of corn

non-fat half and half instead of the milk

thyme - no chives or parsley

basil

a mccormick's general mixed spice to make sure it had flavor

8 small golden gourmet potatoes instead of the 1 russet

I didn't bother separating the yolk from the egg either.

I used the pastry puff found near the frozen pies and it was amazing for texture

I baked it for around 27 minutes and let it stand for around 10 to thicken up!

I served it with a small side salad.

My dad is a meat eater and even really seemed to enjoyed it.  It was perfect for a cool fall night and extremely filling.  Next time I think I'll try sweet potatoes in it. :) 

Now on to find some more fun veggie filled recipes!! <3

xoxo 

NO!

"No, No, No, No, No." It seems like that is all I have heard in the last few months when it comes to jobs.  Yes, I can blame the economy. Yes, I can blame the fact that I live in Maine where there aren't a whole hell of a lot of jobs.  But that doesn't make "No" sting any less each time.

But what now? I have to do something.  Maybe rearrange my thoughts about the next few years?  It scares me though because last time I rearranged my goals...I ended up incredibly burnt.

Relocation?  I love Maine.  I found a whole new appreciation for this place when I went abroad.  BUT that hasn't stopped my thirst for travel and for relocation really. Plus there could be better opportunities elsewhere. I love writing.  I, of course,still don't do enough of it, but it truly is my passion.  My Honor's thesis sucked my faith in my own writing out of me.  I've never felt so discouraged...or at least not in a long time. I enjoyed writing it...or editing it...whatever.  And felt like a total let down. I hope to find a little faith in my writing again.  I miss feeling confident.

I don't even know what kind of writing I want to do anymore.  I kept expecting some great idea to hit me in the face and to be able to run like the wind with it.  Yeah I'm starting to realize I may get hit in the face with the idea...but from there...it's hard work. I think I just need to get my nose back in some books and find some inspiration.  Thank goodness for my kindle.  I have my share of life experiences that I've considered writing about...but that brings me back to a question my thesis committee asked, "Who cares?"  And would anyone care? I don't know. But maybe it's worth a shot.

Two Months Since Graduation

I graduated from the University of Maine almost 2 months ago.  So where am I now?

I'm less lost.  I have remembered who I am. I have an idea of what I want to do with my life now.  I had forgotten about my love for graphic design & am now crazy about it all over again.  I would love to be able to write & do graphic design, but right now would be happy with getting my foot in the door for either career.  It takes time though.

I have started my own business through becoming a Pure Romance consultant.  It has given me a new sense of independence & a fulfilling new found confidence.  The other great thing is that through creating my own marketing materials & website, I am adding things to my portfolio, which will hopefully help me land some stellar job.  But other than that it's fun.  And I know that I want my career to be fun.  If I could do PR for a full time living, that'd be awesome, but so far my calendar isn't filling up quickly enough for that.  Plus I'm too social to completely work on my own.  I absolutely love Pure Romance though & it has helped me to not get so stressed about finding a job with my degree.

I am getting better with hearing the word "No."  I've already gotten my share of "Nos" from companies.  I mean they all say it pretty nicely, but they still sting a little.   I'm also hearing the word "No" from people who aren't interested in participating in my Pure Romance company, I'm still working on accepting those as easily.  I read somewhere that every "No" is one step closer to a "Yes."  So, in that case, I'm about 8 steps closer to a job.

I want to move away in order to get my start.  I love my family.  I love helping with the alpaca farm.  But I still have that thirst for travel.  I have this strong desire to move away & start my career.  It isn't about running away from anything anymore; it's about running to something.  Running to my future & taking it head on. I know my family will be here for me no matter what, & I need to see more of the world, or at least the country.

I no longer blame myself for what happened in my last relationship.  I was really hard on myself for a long time.  I literally hated myself for allowing myself to get into such a mess, but I don't anymore.  I know that I loved him with my whole heart & did everything, & more, that I could for him.  I did the right things; I just did them for the wrong person.  I also now know how important my future really is to me.  I almost gave up my goals for a relationship, & even convinced myself that that was okay.  Now, I wouldn't give them up for anything.  I want to establish my career first, then a family (how 2.0 generation of me does that sound?). But I also know that I have a big heart & surrounding myself with people is what keeps me happy.  Yes, keeps me happy.  I consider myself happy once again.

I had a job interview today at a restaurant in Freeport.  I of course would love to work, but am still hoping I find something with my degree.  I want to get my career started & I guess never realized how much work it would really be, & how much time it would take, to find a job.  Awesome economy.  But at least I have a roof over my head until I can afford my own roof.

At my interview today that woman asked me if I think I'm lucky.  I paused a second, but responded yes.  We all have our shares of hardships, but we're all lucky.  I'm lucky to have such a supportive family.  I'm lucky to be healthy (minus my stupid knee).  I'm lucky to no longer be in an emotionally exhausting relationship.  I'm lucky to have graduated college.  I'm lucky that my family can afford the things we need. I'm lucky to live within 2 minutes of my Gramp and therefore am able to visit him on a daily basis. I'm lucky to have amazing friends.  I'm lucky to have my own company that is slowly but surely getting its start.

Tell me, why are you lucky?

Until the next time. :)

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The Next Step

For not the first time in my life, I feel like the rug has been ripped out from under me.  I knew where I was in life, or I thought I was. Now I'm looking back at the past few days and wondering what the hell just happened. I don't know how I got to where I am and I am not sure how to get back yet.

I still feel strong though. I know who I am deep down. I have not lost the sense of self I found in Europe. And I am blessed for that.

But now what? What do I do after May 7th? What do I do with this diploma that will shortly be hanging on my wall? Well at least it'll become a cool wall decoration? Awesome.

College graduation didn't scare me when I had decided I was staying exactly where I already am. Grad school at UMaine - cool, whatever. Bangor - not totally exciting, but I can deal. But now it's like someone slapped me upside the head with a paddle. WHAT was I thinking? I love to travel. Bangor is NOT a city. I do not know if I could have been happy here and I do not know how I was so blinded.

The hardest part of this is the fact that my life has been thrown up in the air and I am once again here to pick up the pieces.  What makes it easier than last time this happened? I know that I have amazing friends, an amazing family, and fabulous sisters to lean on. I have NEVER felt such support. I don't NEED it. I know I can be strong enough on my own, but it sure does feel amazing that I don't HAVE to do it all alone.

Facebook told me to today, "Your relationship with________ will be canceled upon saving"  Well I guess it's canceled. I have hard feelings right now. I'm hurt and fairly lost. I have this numb sensation (how's that for an oxymoron?) all throughout my body.

But, whatever the next step is, I'll take it with my head high.

Until the next time.

<3

What I Know

"Do what's right for you, not anyone else"

Who would have thought that the answer to that could be so complex? I mean really I should know what I want out of my life. But at this point I really don't.  I don't even know where to start setting up my new life tomorrow.  I don't know where to live. I don't know how to move on from where I am. But at least there are some things that I do know:


1. I want to see the world.

I have been to 10 countries and somewhere between 30 and 40 of the states in our country.  But I have such a thirst for travel, a "gypsy soul" as a country song quite perfectly puts it.  Settling doesn't seem to be an option.  To get me to settle someone would have to trick me into it.


2. I want to make a difference for animals.


I'm a vegetarian.  But someone close to me recently said, "What difference do you really think you're making by just not eating meat?" I mean I don't think that I'm not doing anything..at least when people ask me why I'm vegetarian I have an answer and there is always the chance that that will influence them.  But, I want to make a real difference.  Open an animal shelter or help pass some awesome legislature to stop animal testing or factory farms.


3. I fall in love too quickly.


This one doesn't take much explanation.  It takes me a while to truly trust someone, but I feel myself falling in love so quickly.  Love and trust should supposedly go together.  But not for me.  I have such a love for everyone I meet.  I genuinely do not wish anyone harm, even if perhaps I should.


4. I need to fall in love with a man that treats me as well as my cat does.


I know, I'm 21 and sound like a 65 year old crazy cat lady. But hear me out.  My cat knows when something is wrong and will just lay by me and let me cry.  But sometimes he'll be so in my face that all I can do is smile.  He seems to know which is appropriate when.  If he bites me or hurts me in some way, he always comes back in a loving way.  He excitedly meets me at the door.  He is a cat so obviously doesn't judge me. I can dance in my underwear or scream and cuss at the tv, and he honestly doesn't care as long as I fill is food bowl and pet him.  And he is appreciative when I feed and take care of him.  I know, my cat kind of sounds like a dog.

5.  I have a new found appreciation for my friends and family.

I've been a mess lately. I've lost myself sometime in the last 9 months. I really didn't feel like I had anyone to turn to, but I tried anyway.  And to my shock...people cared. My sisters reached out to me. They told me I deserve better. My family was ready to take care of me in anyway they could.  And friends that I didn't feel all that close with became the rocks in my life.  I appreciate them all more than they'll know.  I know I have a long way to go, but I at least know I'm not doing it alone.

6. I need writing in my life.

I stray from it all the time, so I end up only writing when I'm upset. But when I wrote my last blog I was happier. And I honestly think it was because I was writing about everything and then moving on from it. I didn't care what anyone thought about what I was writing but just put it all out there.  I need writing to not only get happy...but to keep myself together.

7. I still have no idea what I want to do career-wise.

I'm so scared of being miserable in my job that it's impossible for me to choose.  There are a thousand things (well maybe not quite that many) that I could see myself doing, but I just can't decide.  A professor? A creative writer? A wedding designer? A lawyer?

8. I want a PhD.

Pretty simple. I told my dad one day that I would be the first in our family to get a PhD and I plan to stick to that. I don't know what it'll be in or what I'll do with it...but I'll have a nice frame and put it over my desk at the very least.

9. I have an odd sense of humor.

I let someone make me think that my sense of humor was dumb and so I've lost it some. I need to find that while finding myself and really just not give a shit when someone doesn't think I'm funny.

10.  I still believe in love.

My experiences with love have been hard.  I've had my heart completely broken several times, but I still believe it is possible to find a soul mate and to be happy.  I just haven't gotten there.  And hey, maybe my soul mate is my cat? haha. Plus I'm 21 years old and have finally realized it's okay to not be married and living in a house by 25.

Until the next time.

<3